


Lead me back to you

by NightWithoutStars



Series: Grindeldore One-shots [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Ending, Boggarts, Forgiveness, Hogwarts, M/M, Mirror of Erised, One Shot, Painful Love, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightWithoutStars/pseuds/NightWithoutStars
Summary: Albus Dumbledore.His worst fear, his greatest desire, his despair, his salvation.Gellert Grindelwald.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Series: Grindeldore One-shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868686
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105





	Lead me back to you

_I had a feeling, buried inside, covered beneath a blanket of pride._

**_His worst fear_ **

As a Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore rarely faced the all-encompassing panic and despair that was the form of his boggart. The isolated instances in which he did found him on his own, with no one around to witness the shame of his worst nightmare. Yet, here he was, filling in for the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor.

On a whim, Professor Charity Beaumont had decided that teaching did not suit her any longer, quitting her job in order to travel the world. Though resignment had been in blatant violation of her contract, Headmaster Dippet did not object, seeing as the woman had been an excellent employee of the school for over forty years. Consequently, it somehow fell to Albus to continue with the course plan, while simultaneously coordinating both of his subjects. He did not mind - or at least he hadn't until recently - as he took pride and joy in teaching. Despite his love for magic, the Professor found that he would rather be anywhere but this classroom.

 _Boggarts_. Dark creatures, which unfortunately were on the third-year curriculum. The lessons containing those creatures were notorious for their source of gossiping, resulting in a number of rumors coursing through the school in the following weeks. 

Albus prayed, desperately, for the lesson to go smoothly. There were years, in which the Defence Professor did not have to intervene, years in which the boggart was quickly defeated by the student's laughter. If luck was on his side, this would be one. 

It was not. 

None of the student's fears were particularly unusual - a mummy, a spider, a vampire, darkness, fire - nor were any of them unable to perform the spell. Towards the end of the lesson, Dumbledore almost dared to hope that it would all go well. He should have known that nothing in his life was ever this easy. When Alicia Prewett stepped in front of the creature, wand held high in shaking hands, she faced something neither she nor Albus were ready to face. 

With white hair, mismatched eyes, and a sinister smirk, Gellert Grindelwald stood at the front of the classroom, looking just as the papers depicted him. It should not have surprised Albus, not when Alicia's mother had been killed in one of the German's attacks. Yet, as the man who would forever hold Dumbledore's heart stood in the room, he felt as though he could not breathe. His chest constricted painfully, squeezing his heart in the cold clutches of heartbreak. 

The redhead found himself unable to avert his gaze, eyes fixated on Gellert. He did not see as his student dropped her wand, unable to perform the simple spell in the face of fear. Nor did he notice her uncontrollable shaking. His sole focus lay with Grindelwald.

A shout pulled him out of his transfixed state: "Professor!"

It was as though a bucket of ice-cold water had been emptied above his head, waking him in a cruel manner. Most of the children were crowded against the back wall, scared of the Dark Lord in their midst. A few courageous ones stood beside the shaking Alicia, though none of them dared to step in front of her. The bitter laugh resting on the tip of his tongue burned like fire inside his mouth. It seemed as though all of them had momentarily forgotten that this was merely a replica of a child's fear.

_This is not Gellert._

With this reassurance, he stepped forth, wand held loosely, relaxed posture hiding the tension. The blond man was close to him - closer than he had been in over twenty years. If he wanted to, Albus could reach out and brush his hand along the strong jaw, as he had done so many, yet not enough times. 

For onlookers, the ripples stretching over the boggart's form were the only indication of a change in target, though Dumbledore could see the widening eyes clear as day. 

Only once had Albus witnessed the utter terror etched upon Gellert's face, yet it had been burned into his soul. It was the same expression the German bore after the death of Arianna, the same tremor in the hand that clutched the wand. 

"Don't, Albus, please! You promised!" The voice sounded just as the Professor remembered it from _that_ day - unstable, high-pitched, panicked. Yet, he lifted his wand, pointing it at the creature wearing his heartbreaker's face. 

Before he could utter the spell, Gellert stumbled backward, as though punched. Pale hands clutched the stomach hidden beneath the tailored suit, wide, mismatched eyes images of horror for Albus. The dark liquid dripping out of the corner of the thin lips made something in the redhead's chest twist. _Fear_. 

_This is not Gellert._

He had to tell himself the words over and over again, as he lifted his wand. Despite the knowledge, the spell felt heavy on his lips, throat too tight to produce the syllables, tongue too stiff. It was not his lover, yet the shadow of death cast over his former lover's face took all rational thoughts.

_Now your nightmare has come to life._

"Riddikulus", he finally whispered, voice trembling just as much as his hand. 

Gellert Grindelwald burst into a thousand pieces of candy.

 _He knew his boggart should not be the demise of the man who was bound to conquer the world, knew deep down, that it should be something nobler. It should have been Ariana, dead before him, as she had been_ that _day. Instead, his worst fear was the death of her killer. Guilt would eat him alive._

**_His greatest desire_ **

The image Albus saw in the mirror of Erised changed multiple times, yet it was always connected to Gellert Grindelwald in one way or another. The man knew, that he should not see Gellert in the mirror, that instead, there should be his family - as they were before it all went wrong. What he wouldn't give to see Ariana once more, happy and healthy. Yet it seemed, as though his heart told a different story. Above all, the Professor longed for long-lost love.

With each visit of the mirror, it was harder to leave, the longing increasing until it was almost unbearable. Albus could feel himself slowly wasting in front of the cursed mirror, often passing hours on end with only a reflection as a company. He wished he could destroy the mirror, yet he knew he would be unable to do so. After everything he had done - all his accomplishments - he was only human. The blond man in the mirror was his weakness, even after everything.

The year before his death, 1995, he saw Gellert and himself. Both of them were aged, wrinkles, and age spots covering the majority of their skin. While Albus' hair remained long as ever, Gellert sported a bald head. It was what could have been, had they not been misguided by pride, prejudice, and greed. As he gazed upon the future he could have had, Dumbledore's heart ached with longing. 

He did not lie when he told young Harry Potter that he saw socks, merely failed to mention the remainder of the reflection. Gellert and himself smiled from the mirror, young as they had been. The German's hair was styled in immaculate waves, the honey color not yet replaced by the bleach-white of his later years. His eyes were not yet filled with darkness and death, just as young Dumbledore's were not yet filled with longing and guilt. The mirror showed one of the happiest days in the Headmaster's life, decades prior.

*

_"I cannot believe you are going to wear this! I am taking you on a date and this is how you thank me?", Gellert exclaimed upon seeing Albus in the open door._

_Confusion was evident on the redhead's face as he inspected the clothes he wore. He specifically had forgone his favorite, plum-colored robes in favor of a simple, navy, three-piece suit. Personally, he thought his outfit too dull, though he had to thank his 'peculiar sense of fashion for it', as Gellert often described it._

_"What is wrong with it?", he questioned, taking in Gellert's outfit. It was not dissimilar to his own, though his lover looked less like a child wearing its father's clothes and more like a handsome young man._

_A fond smile graced the blond's lips as he answered: "Love, your socks."_

_Promptly, the older boy blushed furiously, upon realizing his fashion faux-pas. His left sock was baby-blue with a snitch pattern, while the right one was striped orange and purple. As if this was not enough of an embarrassment, his right pant leg was partially tucked into the sock, which he had not realized in his haste._

_"Come, I am certain we will find a pair of less... colorful socks in my wardrobe." Gellert took his hand, pulling Albus with him towards Bathilda's house._

**_His despair_ **

The raindrops fell heavily upon him, drenching his mismatched clothes and unkempt hair, washing away his tears. Albus knew he looked a mess, knew that Gellert would insist on dressing him in more fitting clothes should he see him now. The thought of the blond wizard hurt his broken heart, ripped it into pieces until it was unrecognizable. 

_Where are you, Gellert? I need you..._

Beside him stood Aberforth, expression grim, eyes dry. He would cry once he was in the safety of his room, would curse the world, Albus, and especially the German wizard who had fled the day prior. 

The elder Dumbledore wished his lover was here with them, wished for the strong, comforting arms to drape around him. He wanted the deep voice to whisper reassuring words into his ear. Yet, Gellert was not here. They had promised each other eternal loyalty, yet the other had left only weeks after. Betrayal, heartbreak, grief, and guilt fought a war inside of Albus' chest. 

Ariana's gravestone did not bear her name, merely the letters A.D. together with a date of death. Here she would rest, in everlasting darkness, until her name and memory would be forgotten. She would be trapped for eternity near the same house that had been her prison for the past decade. It pained Albus. 

"Are you happy now?", Aberforth asked him later, over a glass of Firewhiskey, with a new bitterness in his voice, "You got what you wanted, didn't you? Freedom."

"Abe", the redhead pleaded, hands trembling and eyes burning. Derision and anger had always been his brother's defense mechanism.

"Oh, I apologize. You wanted your freedom to run off with that queer. Where is he now, your amazing hero - the only person who ever understood you?" The younger had hit the bull's eye and knew it. Albus pulled his shoulders up, trying to shield himself from the judgment.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, though no amount of words could ever express the guilt he felt, nor could they make amends. 

There were no more words exchanged, though the rift between them widened into a canyon. They parted ways a week later, running from the place they once called home towards a new future, with only resentment and guilt as a reminder of their time together. 

*

_The years drifted by, they build up these walls._

Albus Dumbledore stood on the Astronomy tower of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and wizardry, looking his death in the face with a potion coursing through his system like wildfire. Severus stood in front of him, the two damning words on his lips. 

The Elder wand had left his grasp, terminating his and Gellert's dreams once and for all. He had been so close to achieving everything they had fantasized in that fateful summer of 1899, had held the cloak, the wand, and the stone in his hands, before giving up all of them. His lesson had been learned a long time ago.

Regret made his heart heavy for decades, the death of Ariana weighing on him as though he was Atlas. His neverending love for the German wizard still held his heart in a painfully crushing grip, never releasing. 

Albus thought of all those he had loved, all those who had died during the course of a century and four wars. Perhaps this was for the best after all. 

All he had left was what lived in his mind - shadows of memories, dreams, and wishes.

It was his time to move on.

The silver-haired man thought of his former lover in his last moments, thought of heartbreak, betrayal, and love, and forgave what he could not forget.

**_His salvation_ **

When Gellert Grindelwald died in the prison he had built half a century ago - murdered by another who thought the world belonged to him - he was a changed man. Regret weighed heavier than glory when one neared the end.

The German wizard never believed there to be an afterlife. In his mind, focused solely on life, one simply seized to exist once they died. Perhaps that had been one of the reasons for his search for the Hallows. It hardly mattered now. 

Despite his skepticism concerning the journey after his death, he found himself face to face with the only person who ever understood him, truly understood him. Gellert had mourned his old lover's death, had issued an appeal to attend the funeral, though it was immediately denied.

"Gellert", the man sounded as he always did - lighthearted, relaxed, and mysterious. It brought back memories of easier times full of conspiracy and dreaming. 

Albus had died old, yet physically, he was neither young, nor old - he was simply... _himself_ , though the auburn color had returned to the hair. Once more, Gellert was captivated by the piercing blue eyes, which seemed to twinkle with mirth, just as hey had whenever they discussed forbidden things. The man was the same as he once knew him, yet different. 

"Albus", the blond answered, surprised to find his voice being normal and untouched by the decades of imprisonment, "it has been a long time."

He did not know what to say, did not want to ruin whatever peace this was. God knew, he had ruined everything once before. 

"Indeed", was the simple answer.

"I wanted to apologize to you for an eternity", Gellert forced himself to admit

There was a long pause, silence stretching itself between them, in which they looked each other in the eyes. Unspoken words and denied feelings of a lifetime being contemplated.

"All of us make mistakes", Albus finally answered, a gentle smile on his lips, "though I believe yours carried further than most others."

"I should never have betrayed you the way I did. You trusted me enough to allow me near your family and I caused her death. I should not have run either - it was a coward's move, fuelled by petty rage and fear. At the time I did not understand the value of us, of our relationship. I could not tell you what my heart felt inside in so little time. You made me strong, you made me stand. With you by my side, I did not fall. You made me feel invincible, powerful as a tidal wave. You made me brave. 

Yet, I let it all go, possessed by perfection. It is tearing at my heart that I could not find the courage to leave the path I had been set on - the easy path. I could not apologize, could not let go of the pride and greed. I could not search for redemption until it was too late. Now, here I stand before you, a man with more sins than you could ever imagine, begging for your forgiveness."

Gellert was breathing harder after his confession, the words he should have said a century ago, but couldn't. His heart was beating rapidly against his ribcage, as he was nervously awaiting the redhead's answer. 

Albus Dumbledore smiled wider, as he reached out to grasp the younger wizard's hand in his. 

"I will always forgive you, Gellert. Living without you felt as though I was living half a life, devoided of what we shared. When you walked out of my life, it was hard to imagine that you would never come back - that I would forever be alone. It hurt. We swore eternity and abandoned it for a holy war. Yet, after all these years of being apart, we cannot let past mistakes tear us apart. I loved you, Gellert, and I always will love you, no matter how often you break my heart." The redhead spoke with a soft voice, the slight tremor of the words betraying the tears in his eyes. 

"I love you too, Albus. In life and in death, I swear to you, that I will never again betray you."

_If your compass breaks, then follow your heart and I hope it leads you right back into my arms._

_And though time has passed, we'll still make it last and I hope this leads you right back into my arms._


End file.
